riddikulus☆aesthetics
just another day in the life of a fangirlArchive for Personal
Finding nemo
First post of summer. Been home since the 2nd.
Feeling so restless, but not really. Hard to explain.
Urghhh.
Difficult to say in English, but this Thai phrase pretty much encompasses what I can’t verbalize: เสียใจ (sia jia).
It’s the general phrase for feeling sad. But, it has the connotation of profound loss. Literally it means to “lose heart or lose self.” Basically, depression.
It’s like I’m stuck in a rut and I’m just watching the days go by. I’m frozen in place. Not sure which way to head. Or perhaps, I do know, but don’t want to come to that destination.
Usually I post this as private, but for those that stumble across my blog and are doing that “finding myself” thing, I just want you to know you’re not alone.
The title of this post is the title of one of my most favorite movies (the movie is about finding a little lost fish). The little fish’s name is literally “no one” in Latin. So, it’s “finding no one” (I tend to find an underlying element of sadness in children’s movies and books, don’t you?).
When you’re trying to find yourself, you’re looking for no one. Because you didn’t go anywhere. You just changed and the present you is inconsistent with your self-view, which causes that anxious, unsettled feeling. You just need to reexamine and understand the present you, and figure out the direction(s) you desire to grow towards.
Urgggggggghhhhh =(
Easier said than done.
DBSK/TVXQ’s “T” album
OhIamsofreakingbehind :O Yes I should get back to studying. But “music is my life” (sorry Epik High and SG Wannabe) =P
Their latest Japanese album T was released just last week, and even though I’m not a rabid fan (yet, since I haven’t allowed myself to ferment in DBSK fandom), I’m still rather excited. The few songs that I previewed sound good, and I really liked Last Angel with Koda Kumi (the album version is Koda Kumi-less). I have their past 2 Japanese albums, Heart, Mind and Soul and Five in the Black. Both were good, but I liked HMS a lot better. The bonus acoustic tracks were really nice since they have such beautiful voices *_*
Looks like it might be awhile before I can listen to the album though. My connection is so slow today.
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On a personal aside (I am too lazy to make a separate entry), I tore my last contact =( Yes yes, very sad. It was actually more frustrating since I had spent so long cleaning it, then suddenly tore it cleanly in two. I had to spend the next half hour hunting for any pair of contacts (I sometimes had old pairs in old cases scattered about), and finally found one. Huzzah! After cleaning that glorious pair for an eternity, I could finally put them in without burning my eyes xD
… oh crap I just realized that my eye doctor’s office just closed. I was going to order them today but got sidetracked.
Erg. And I need to order my new yoga pants from Victoria’s Secret too, since the semi-annual sale online ends tomorrow. Nice of them to send me an email to remind me :)
If penguins can’t kill me, then strong winds can =(
An hour ago I left the library and headed across the street for dinner. Okay. I knew that there were severe showers today, but I didn’t know that the winds would be so severe. I guess I should have paid attention to the google news popups with headlines such as “Severe Weather Alerts for Across the Nation.” But wow. I had never been so afraid that I would be blown away off the sidewalk and into incoming traffic, and I’m definitely bigger than a pregnant Nicole Richie. Needless to say, it was kind of scary. And my flimsy umbrella was useless against that.
And then, just as I was saying, “Watch, something’s gonna hit me in the head” along flies a small branch and whacks me in the forehead. It hurt. I think it’s turning into a bruise. But thank goodness for bangs =/On the way back to the library we spotted a large rectangular metal piece caught in the branches of a tree, dangling over the walkway. Probably wrenched from the unfinished building next door. I feel sorry for the poor guy that gets smacked in the head with that.
I’m sitting here trying to do work, and all I can think about is wanting to watch Anthony Bourdain: No Reservations. I got addicted to it over winter break. Apparently my whole family has taken to the Travel Channel, since it is one of the few entertaining channels on our basic cable lineup at home. I love Tony. He’s a badass MF and he’s not sorry about it. The network has been advertising that the new season (season 4) is airing Mondays 10pm ET/PT. I was so excited coming back, since I thought that I would be able to catch it.
But no. This school hates me. We freaking have HBO, but not the Travel Channel!!! T_T So I have now resorted to watching my beloved Tony in very pixelated form. I’m dying to watch the first half of the Asia special and to catch the Japan episode. Spring break is coming up soon, so maybe they’ll marathon it during then? Unlikely. But I can only hope.
Image credits: weather.com
Insurance companies and their ebilness
Yes, I am still alive. Really, I was doing good on the blog everyday thing. But then I realized that I had two exams coming up this week. And on the same day nevertheless. Oh joy. Japanese is bit of a pain, and we’re actually moving really fast this semester through grammar and with 2-3 quizzes each week. And speaking of week, there are 3 weeks left until midterms then spring break!! O_O Oh dramas. Wait for me till then~~ ♥
I need to catch up on all my work so I can do some work-work. Then I can get paid, because lately money’s been flying out of my bank account. My insurance company accidentally dropped me since they just realized that I am over 18 (how old did they think I was last year?! o.0) and they mistakenly thought that I wasn’t a full time student. I had my dad fax in confirmation of my full-time status, so that’s taken care of. But the thing is, they’re taking a really long time to pay off my medical bills from last year -_-;; 2007 was not a good year for me, health-wise.
My last pair of contacts that I’ve been using since the beginning of winter break (aka, I’ve been using them long past its life), is giving me so much trouble. I spend about 15-20 minutes each day cleaning them with the daily enzyme cleaner and then regular solution. Otherwise, the contact would burn my eyes.. So I called home to hustle my dad about resolving this with the insurance, and was told to pay off my current account with the eye doctor and order new contacts. Then the insurance company would reimburse me back.
I don’t know how long that’s going to take. They just paid off my hospital bills from last summer =/
In other news, the rain is really terrible today. I’ve had a humongous headache ever since the semiformal on Saturday (I had hit my head really hard on my metal lofted bed before getting ready for the event), which was further aggravated by the impending rain. Something to do with sudden and drastic changes in air pressure. I get really airsick too. The plane ride to Germany was tortuous that one year. The barfbag and I became rather close friends.
Peabody smelled really off, and today I noticed that the campus actually sloped from Wedgewood/Blakemore towards Edgehill. So, I walked out from North’s 2nd floor entrance and encountered the miniflood that streamed down past. Not pleasant. The bottom of my jeans can testify.
But I do have good news to report despite all this negativity (this is where I go </ rant>). I have managed to do yoga in relative peace and quiet with no distractions…. in my dorm! For free! The trick is to use a study room when no one is using it (at odd hours throughout the day, like 7am as I have managed to discover). Push all the furniture to the side, dim the lights, and you’ve got your own personal studio. But with Rodney Yee as your instructor. On a 15.4″ widescreen.
If only the room wasn’t so darm warm. Yesterday I thought I was going to faint (or maybe I was severely out of shape). And today it smelled strongly of stale urine >_< I have no idea why. It’s an all girl’s dorm. So, why?!
Hanadan woes
A couple of days ago a friend, DH, asked me what dramas I was watching since I had mentioned that I like watching dramas. I said that there wasn’t anything lately that caught my attention, and so he said that he started watching one called Hana Yori Dango. First I was O_O then <333333333333333!! So I’ve been talking about the Hanadan jdrama with him lately. Ah, the magic of Veoh. Now I want to watch it again. I’ve already seen HYD at least 5 times, and HYD2 at least twice.
I’m going home this weekend. I’m coming back with my DVDs :D
I want to see the rain and elevator scenes again~ There is something so vulnerable and precious about those two scenes. And Matsumoto Jun is such an intense actor. He gives me the shivers watching him. The good kind. Really, no drama has gotten me to care so much about it and to think about its themes and characters’ problems so deeply. Coffee Prince is second, and Meteor Garden (so surprise there, it was my first drama and the Taiwainese version of Hanadan) ties with Nobuta wo Produce for third.
Old news to me, but… a Hanadan movie is coming out this year. YES. Please, come to my city? Or film it at my overpriced school with its gorgeous 200 year old architecture and regularly painted grass (money which came out of my “tuition”)?!
Okay, okay. Back to my paper now.
Did I mention how much I was (and still am) in love with Tsukushi-chan’s scarf in HYD?! The red-and-white thin striped scarf with tiny white pom-poms on it. I haven’t had any luck finding a scarf similar to that yet.. that would make a lovely Christmas present for next year :) lol♥
Why?!
“X has more hair on her legs than he does on his thighs!” – best quote from last night
So proud of myself still continuing to blog~ But that’s because I don’t want to do work right now and I should probably take another nap since I only slept 4 hours last night -______- I need to go eat dinner, but it’s raining/snowing here according to my roommate that just came back. Guess pretzels, cereal, and yogurt will just have to do since I’m not up to braving the elements tonight.
DBSK’S Purple Line is so lulz. So I’m listening along and thinking Niiiice, a sultry beginning, catchy beat and then I hear “just wanna touch myself.” WTF?! Random Engrish is hilarious. It’s like those shirts with FUCK or something equally obscene on them that Asian teens and celebs sometimes sport. Why don’t they know what it means?! And if it’s a celebrity, why did the stylist pick that?!?!
Well their T album seems pretty good so far after listening to some song previews (hooray for imeem!). Hero Jae Joong’s voice is gorgeous as always :) Okay, he’s just plain gorgeous.
I’ve been scouring YesStyle for a nice dress coat. Online shopping is awesome. The shipping costs are not =/ So even though I have a white jean jacket and a white poofy casual jacket (the one that makes me look like I’m still in high school *_*), I still want a white coat. I should probably get black, but there’s just something elegant, trendy, and innocent about a white coat =) And it’ll look lovely with the gorgeous sea foam green scarf I got for Christmas. My poor bookmark folder is full of too many coats that I like, haha. I still have maybe 200+ coats left to check out?? I bet that more was even added to the site since I last checked.. Definitely need to make time to look through the rest since I need the coat by next Saturday. Haven’t checked the shipping charges yet but I’m sure it’ll be outrageous for 1 or 2-day shipping. There goes the rest of my money after buying books… $300 was spent this time compared to about $600 last semester. Man, college is expensive!!
This is the one that gave me heart palpations. If it was in white, I would buy it in a heartbeat. Too bad it’s out now..
But this is nice. The white and black ones are especially nice:
I really need to do an eye exam so I can order more contacts. I’m using my last pair now and the ones from this brand tend to get very sticky and gross after the two-week period. Yesterday I called my mom to see if my dad’s insurance plan would cover it if I went. It used to be every 12 months I could go, but since the plan changed she didn’t know the details. So she told me to go buy this daily enzyme cleaner to make my contacts last longer -_-;; I went to CVS and spent $30 on that, more contact solution, and toothpaste.. but I got a mail-in coupon for free toothpaste so yay~
Hm guess I’ll get ready for my trek to the library. I like watching snow from inside, and not walking in it at night -o-
Edit: So Gong Yoo has left for the army like many Korean male celebs as of late. I love how he’s going with a smile and with much respect for his fans. Gong Yoo, I’ll finish the last 2 eps of Coffee Prince soon, I promise~
I will miss his wonderful hair.
Oh yay, a new blog..
I finally caved in and got a WordPress. Yes, another blog to my collection: tabulas, xanga, myspace, livejournal, vox, and my old self-hosted WordPress blog. I love blogging. I don’t care that most likely, no one is going to read it except for the few that happen to stumble across it randomly. But I do love writing and miss it so much :) It’s just that I would be so motivated to write everyday, and then the urge to write will wear off as life gets busy and I get lazy. So one of my new year’s resolutions this year like every year is to blog almost everyday. Because I love looking back on my old entries to see what excited me at the time, what frustrated me, and generally who I was. Blame the psychologist in me for enjoying self-analysis.
I’m definitely keeping my other blogs because they each have their own purposes (sentimental or practical). And I’ve always wanted to buy my own domain and host my own WordPress-powered blog (another new year’s resolution), but ehhh I’m a poor college student and so I’ll stick with this until then.
Although the default header image is gorgeous and soothing, I’m fighting the strong urge to procrastinate by creating my own. And I want to play around with the CSS. But life is calling. Gotta get back to outlining my personality psychology book =/ Only 40+ more pages to go, and I’m caught up for the week!
At least there’s ice cream in the fridge. It’s too bad though that I kicked my previously nice-looking phone off the desk in the process. But I’m pretty sure that the people on the 6th floor didn’t hear my screams of agony.
